1. Smile often
Not only can smiling make you seem more approachable, but research published in the journal Motivation and Emotion shows that doing so often is key to forming new friendships, as it can create positive emotions about you.
Everyone needs to lean on a loved one from time to time, and now science suggests that developing important relationships such as these may be the number one factor that could help us all to be happier and live longer.
Of course, eating well and practicing good mental and physical health are also key to our wellbeing. However, recent Harvard University research shows that it is our level of ‘social fitness’ – or the quality and number of important relationships in our lives – that has biggest sway on the likelihood of us leading longer, happier, and healthier lives.
Following 724 people over 85 years, Harvard University’s study on the ‘secret of happiness’ found that as people age, they often miss their work-life due to the loss of social connections.
Their research also found that spending too much time alone can even be life-limiting, with one of the study’s researchers comparing loneliness to alcoholism or smoking when it comes to its impact our physical health.
Unfortunately, their researchers also found that factors such as retirement can make it harder for people find and maintain meaningful social connections in their lives as they approach retirement.
Sadly, the research suggests that people also seem to be socialising less often since the pandemic. Our analysis of the latest data from YouGov shows that 29% of people in the UK make no time to socialise with others during the average working week – up from 17% in 2019. 10% of people also claim to have no close relationships at all.
25 ways to build stronger relationships and social connections in retirement
Most people recognise the importance of social connections in their lives as they age. We previously surveyed 2,000 UK adults to see how people would choose to use their time if they had more of it. The most popular response was centred around building social connections, with 36% of respondents saying that they would spend the extra time with family and friends.
However, building and maintaining relationships can sometimes be challenging, especially for people who are retired or have fallen out of touch with people from their past.
Having had the pleasure of getting to know hundreds of Owners at Audley Villages over the years, our team has great insight into how people can successfully develop strong and lasting social relationships in later life.
Here’s our top 25 tips for building stronger friendships and social connections:
2. Share a new skill with others
Whether it’s teaching a new social connection how to play the piano or showing them around your favourite museum, decades of research highlights that taking the time to share your skills and knowledge with others can deepen relationships – particularly if you are both interested in the same topic. At Audley Villages, Owners are invited to take part in regular community discussions and project groups, and even to speak or present about a topic that interests them.
3. Join or start a social group
These days it is easy to start a social group on social media or with friends around a shared interest. Research suggests that one of the main reasons that Denmark is one of the happiest countries in the world is because 92% of its population are actively part of a social interest group. At Audley Villages, our Owners have created specials interest groups around hobbies ranging from photography and Bridge to Viola playing.
4. Make the effort to find and attend open social events
Explore what social events are taking place in your local area and attend an event that takes your fancy. From online ads and community newsletters to asking friends, there are plenty of ways to find out about social gatherings near you.
14. Get active and join a health club
Research from Sport England shows that people who are active are less likely to be lonely. Joining a health club can be a great way to meet new people too. At Audley Villages’ Health Clubs, many of our Owners enjoy meeting new people at fitness classes, aqua classes, and yoga sessions.
15. Develop your communication skills
If you feel like your communication skills are holding you back, then it may pay to take an online course to help you build on your communication skills. You can also ask someone you trust to help you. Remember, communication skills can be learnt at any age.
16. Practice active listening
If you are passionate about a topic, it can be easy to talk about it at length. While this is great, it is also important to practice listening to your friend or new social connection in equal measure so that they feel heard too. Research shows that doing so can help people to feel more understood and positive about their interactions with you.
17. Share personal stories with others
Once you have established a connection, sharing a personal story can be a great way to deepen the relationship. According to research, disclosing information about oneself is one of the most important factors when it comes to developing closer bonds with others.
18. Offer a helping hand
From helping someone to hang a painting to making a larger commitment to help out a friend in need, offering your support and time to others when they need it shows thoughtfulness. This can be a great way to start new friendships or deepen existing relationships.
19. Practice being positive
You have probably already heard that being too negative can put people off. However, research also suggests that being positive and upbeat helps people warm to you and even increases your attractiveness. If you struggle to show your ‘upbeat’ side, try doing activities with your friends that normally make you (and your social connections) smile.
20. Ask others about their lives, hobbies, and interests
Most people love talking about their lives and asking questions about others’ interests can be a great way to keep the conversation going. It may also make you appear more likeable, according to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
21. Practice forgiveness and understanding
We all make mistakes. Practicing forgiveness and being understanding of others, particularly if any errors made were small or with good intent, can be a great way to improve the longevity of your friendships. Friendships that overcome hard times are often some of the strongest.
22. Crack a joke or catch a comedy show
Research published in the journal Human Nature shows that people tend to create closer bonds and share more when they laugh together. You could consider making jokes, watching a funny movie, seeing a comedy show, or doing a funny activity together.
23. Walk the dog
Research shows that people who have dogs often appear more approachable to others. Taking your dog to the park, for example, can be a great conversation starter. In fact, research also shows that dog owners tend to have a greater number of social interactions compared to those who don’t.
24. Make more time for others
It may sound obvious, however making time for others is crucial when it comes to strengthening and maintaining relationships. One study found that time commitments is the most common cause of friendships breaking down.
25. Be seen by others
Why not try eating out at the same place regularly instead of always cooking at home? Alternatively, try sitting near to others and spending time in an area where people congregate regularly and habitually, such as in a communal leisure area, at a health club, or even at the library. The key is to be seen by others. Decades of research shows that being physically close to others is often a greater predictor than personality
Which areas of the country are the most ‘socially fit’?
It doesn’t matter where you’re from. People everywhere struggle to find and develop social relationships or feel lonely as they get older for a variety of different reasons. However, our analysis of Sport England and Public Health England records shows that there are areas that of England that seem to be more socially active than others, while other towns, cities, and counties seem to be notably lonelier than the average.
The top 25 loneliest areas that are most ‘socially fit’ are:
| Rank | Area (Unitary or Local Authority) | % of people who feel lonely always, often, or at least some of the time |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | East Riding of Yorkshire (East Yorkshire) | 13.86 |
| 2 | Medway | 14.90 |
| 3 | Sefton | 16.17 |
| 4 | Torbay | 16.34 |
| 5 | Croydon | 16.64 |
| 6 | Wakefield | 16.71 |
| 7 | West Berkshire | 16.89 |
| 8 | Richmond upon Thames | 16.91 |
| 9 | North Yorkshire UA | 16.97* |
| 10 | Wokingham | 16.99 |
| 11 | North Lincolnshire | 17.21 |
| 12 = | Thurrock | 17.28 |
| 12 = | Shropshire | 17.28 |
| 14 | Hartlepool | 17.31 |
| 15 | Buckinghamshire UA | 17.67 |
| 16 | Herefordshire | 17.68 |
| 17 | Havering | 17.88 |
| 18 | Bromley | 17.90 |
| 19 | Suffolk | 18.08 |
| 20 | Cheshire West and Chester | 18.13 |
| 21 | South Gloucestershire | 18.20 |
| 22 | Bexley | 18.24 |
| 23 | Surrey | 18.27 |
| 24 | Solihull | 18.37 |
| 25 | Wiltshire | 18.39 |
The top 25 loneliest areas that are least 'socially fit are:
| Rank | Area (Unitary or Local Authority) | % of people who feel lonely always, often, or at least some of the time |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Camden | 36.28 |
| 2 | Leicester | 34.93 |
| 3 | Haringey | 34.36 |
| 4 | North East Lincolnshire | 34.20 |
| 5 | Manchester | 31.02 |
| 6 | Blackpool | 29.30 |
| 7 | Halton | 29.15 |
| 8 | Portsmouth | 28.61 |
| 9 | Southend-on-Sea | 28.56 |
| 10 | Birmingham | 28.50 |
| 11 | Nottingham | 28.17 |
| 12 | Hillingdon | 27.96 |
| 13 | Islington | 27.76 |
| 14 | Stoke-on-Trent | 27.67 |
| 15 | Darlington | 27.51 |
| 16 | Newham | 27.41 |
| 17 | Salford | 27.36 |
| 18 | Brent | 27.22 |
| 19 | Luton | 27.19 |
| 20 | Bolton | 26.97 |
| 21 | Bath and North East Somerset | 26.84 |
| 22 | Barking and Dagenham | 26.80 |
| 23 | North Somerset | 26.70 |
| 24 | Hounslow | 26.65 |
| 25 | Coventry | 26.58 |
Joining an Audley Villages community near you is also a fantastic way to meet new people. With several locations across the country, we offer Owners access to many sociable and like-minded communities. At our Audley Villages locations, Owners take part in several hobby groups, discussions, lessons, and workshops, covering interests ranging from photography, to movie and book clubs, piano, the viola, dancing, gardening, Bridge, sports, health, languages, cocktails, wine tastings, and many others.
SOURCES:
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Sources:
- Audley Villages analysed data from Public Health England (https://fingertips.phe.org.uk/search/loneliness#page/3/gid/1/pat/15/par/E92000001/ati/502/are/E09000002/iid/93758/age/164/sex/4/cat/-1/ctp/-1/yrr/1/cid/4/tbm/1) and Sport England released earlier this year (https://www.sportengland.org/research-and-data/data/active-lives). These surveys asked people in England about how lonely they felt.
- Research from Harvard University’s 85-year long study on happiness was used in this article (https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/)
- Research shows that online groups can be a great way to start new meaningful friendships. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/09/180926110103.htm
- Sport England Survey: https://www.sportengland.org/research-and-data/data/active-lives
- Journal Organization Science suggests that reconnecting with people from your past can lead to strong friendships: https://www.jstor.org/stable/20868904?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
- Research shows that marking important events can strengthening social connections. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17470919.2020.1828164
- Research in Motivation and Emotion shows that smiling often is key to forming new friendships: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11031-015-9494-x
- Research published in the journal Human Relations suggests that asking others for may help improve likability and trust: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/001872676902200407
- Research in the journal Physica shows being responsive to others communications is the strongest predictor of whether a friendship will last: https://phys.org/news/2008-04-physicists-friends.html
- Research shows that active listening can help people to feel more understood and positive about their interactions with you: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10904018.2013.813234
- Research shows that disclosing personal information can help foster bonds with others: https://us.sagepub.com/en-us/nam/friendship-processes/book5337
- Research suggests that being may increase your attractiveness: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4448023/
- Exploring others’ hobbies may make you appear more likeable, according to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/talking-apes/201706/the-best-way-make-new-friends
- Research shows that taking the time to share your skills and knowledge with others can deepen relationships: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/magnetic-partners/202010/the-importance-shared-interests-in-relationships
- Research suggests that one of the main reasons that Denmark is one of the happiest countries in the world is because 92% of its population are part of a social interest group: https://www.fastcompany.com/40424657/the-best-way-to-make-new-friends-according-to-science
- Research published in the journal Human Nature shows that people tend to share more when they laugh together: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs12110-015-9225-8#page-1
- Research shows that dog owners tend to have a greater number of social interactions compared to those who don’t: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.2752/175303708X371564.
- One study found that time commitments is the most common cause of friction in friendships: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/under-friendly-spell/201312/top-10-friendfluence-rules
- Research shows that being physically close to others often is a greater predictor than personality when it comes to the likelihood of being friends: https://www.simplypsychology.org/mere-exposure-effect.html
- Audley Villages analysed YouGov data, from a survey of over 1,000 UK adults, which asked respondents about how many close relationships they have, and how much time they set aside time to socialise with others in the past week: How many close friends Brits have (yougov.co.uk).
